Monday, June 14, 2010

Disclaimer and Apology, etc. Pt. 2

To my avid readers:
I realize that in this blogging venue I sometimes tend to go on and on. Sure, I've got a lot to say (and hopefully, some of you will find it of value), but after reading my long posts, your minds must get as numb as they would at a Barbershop Quartet Convention and, for this, I apologize.

Fear not, for here are some tips and tricks which may help you get through it with sanity intact:

-- Fortunately, I don't post them every single day. Take them in small pieces, reading just a few paragraphs each day. Like sipping cheap Russian vodka, it may make it easier to keep down.

-- Speaking of that, you may find that a couple of stiff drinks will grease the skids.

-- If you have babies, try reading them aloud as they fall asleep. My posts are guaranteed to put 'em out faster than Maxwell's Silver Hammer.

-- Did I mention a few stiff drinks?

-- Read them while exercising on a treadmill or stationary bicycle. By the time you get through reading a posting, your mind may be numb, but you will have burned off enough calories to afford you an extra beer or two.

-- If a few stiff drinks doesn't help, try drinking a Pan-Galactic Gargle-Blaster, the best (and most powerful) drink in the known universe, according to the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: the effect of which is much like wrapping a lemon peel around a large gold brick and then bashing your head in with it.

Some of you may have guessed that the reason I do this is to chronicle my conversations with Dracrevocsid, the Lady of Lake Taneycomo... and you would be wrong. But some of you may have guessed that chronicling the search for my lost chops is not the whole reason why I do this... and you would be right! In fact, the real reason for all of this is to get it straight in my head why I am searching for my lost chops; to order my thoughts and feelings, and put them on "paper" where they will hopefully stop moving around and quit changing.

Constantly moving and changing thoughts and feelings are my Kryptonite!

I thank you, dear readers, for your patience. I congratulate you, dear readers, on your persistence. I implore you, dear readers, to keep on reading. I am the proverbial monkey in front of a typewriter: sooner or later, I'm bound to type something intelligible.

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