Five days of practicing and I still sound like I just picked the instrument up! Well, I'm exaggerating a little. Not about how I sound, but about the five days of practicing: the past two days I have had a nasty cold and every time I look at my guitar I can feel a tractor beam pulling me back to the couch. I would rather have had my guitar in hand instead a tissue, but I couldn't face it.
"What will they think of me?" I say to my invisible alter-ego, sitting on my left. I used to be well thought of in Navy circles as a pretty decent guitar player and now I'm merely a weak shadow of my former musical self. In Mucinex induced dreams I see myself in a lounge, out of chops on the second chorus of Satin Doll --- moaning in pain as my hands cramp. The old fart retired musicians are gathered around me laughing. And as they laugh, they morph into hideous circus clowns, pointing at me, laughing hysterically and chanting "Lame! Lame! LAME!!" I turn to my invisible alter-ego and say, "Gosh! I hate it when this happens!"
Speaking of guitars, I still haven't picked up my new guitar. The Les Paul Supreme hanging in Guitar Center calls to me. I think, "If I only had that guitar, getting my chops back would be SO much easier." I'm still waiting for the okay from the VA to purchase it to be reimbursed. The VA has already ordered the other equipment they are buying me, but they have a rule about how to purchase items which cost more than $3,000. Perhaps on Monday...
People ask me "How do you get the VA to buy you musical instruments?!!" It's easy, I tell them. All you have to do is to go to Viet Nam and get all messed up in the head. Once they declare you at least 40% disabled you can apply for the VA Vocational Rehabilitation Program. "What are you disabled with?" they ask, and I tell them the VA has diagnosed me as a paranoid schizophrenic, adding "But, then, that's just what they'd WANT me to think!" Then I turn to my invisible alter-ego and say "I TOLD you not to TELL them that!!"
Well, I've said about enough for now. I'm feeling better today (so is my invisible alter-ego, thank you very much for asking) and I plan to get in some wood shedding today.